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THE RUNNER'S HOROSCOPE

by Moon Starflake

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19): Your energetical dynamics and inner strength will be peaking soon. Enter a race and kick butt. Gloating is permitted in moderation.
Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20): You may devlop a blister on your left foot. Do not become angry with your running shoes, they are not to blame, and do not judge them harshly. Instead, offer them comfort and reassurance, perhaps a cleaning and talcum-powdering.
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 21): Watch out for a speeding red pickup truck at the intersection of Old Santa Fe Trail and Paseo.
Cancer (Jun 22 - Jul 22): The winds of change are afoot. Time flies in the face of doom. You will reap what you sewed with a stich in time.
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22): Whimsy is in the air. Laughter is the best medicine. However, giggles from behind may indicate rips in your running shorts.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22): The rings around Uranus are dark and forboding. Try to look at things as a whole. All things will pass in the end, no buts about it.
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 23): A mysterious and intriguing stranger of palpable spiritual energy will pass you at mile 4 of your next 10K. Follow for a mile or so, then pass briskly and say "So long, sucker!"
Scorpio (Oct 24 - Nov 21): Saturn and Mercury are aligned harmoniously with your dynamic bio-forces this month. Run to the corresponding dealerships in the Santa Fe Auto Park and take a test drive.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21): You may find a strange object in your next PowerBar. It is a sign of good fortune, but don't try chewing it or you'll chip a tooth.
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19): There is a time for every season. Turn turn turn. The answer is blowing in the wind. Baby let me drive your car. You ain't nothing but a hound dog. Let it be. You were born to run against the wind.
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18): You running-passion will transcend all these days; you may find yourself running in your dreams hind end quivering dog-like and rhythmically. In somnambulatory cases you may wake up across town.
Pices (Feb 19 - Mar 20): Strange psychical sensations while running may indicate channelling of past runners. Beware of delivering battle news to emperors 26.2 miles away.